Divorced Life

I have found that it is necessary for me to separate the situation from the person in order to forgive and move on with my life. If I constantly blame the “ex” for all that has gone on it blocks me from moving forward. Case in point…if it is always someone else’s fault, then the requirement for my sanity and quality of life becomes the resolution of their difficulties or problems. I looked at my ex and what he has become and I realize that I will stay sick and miserable if I wait for him to straighten up…wait!! I did! For several years I kept holding on to the hope that the emotional difficulties, the anger and his unhappiness would clear up and everything would be like it was ….well???…hmmm….was it ever all that great? What I have discovered is that I fell in love with the POTENTIAL of the man…not who he REALLY was. I lived with that hope for years. Problem with living on only hope is that it is NOT reality and it necessitates creating somewhat of an alternate universe in which to operate. Then nothing is real except the feelings that all this invokes. Whew!!

Today I see that there is freedom in acceptance of what is…right now…not deciding that things are going to go according to some plan I have formulated for the “perfect” union with another. There are a lot of tools that I have learned to use to do that and I will elaborate on some of those in the coming days.

In the end, leaving a marriage of 17 years created in me a numbness…I was somewhat of a sleepwalker at first. Finding myself nearly 50 years old and thrust out into the world of dating woke me up eventually. I found it exciting - and terrifying! I wavered between wanting to rush out and play or hiding out in the closet until some handsome stranger came and rescued me. (o.k. the stress of the last few years created a slight neurosis) Now that I was alone I could enjoy copious amounts of ice cream, stop shaving my legs, and run around the house in those well-worn gray sweats I can’t seem to part with. But I knew if I gave into those temptations that I would undermine my entire life by creating that much more of a problem. Not to mention much MORE of me to love if I got lucky enough to find a man who liked hairy women who live on ice cream. If I allowed this huge upset in my life to take a negative direction, then how could I learn anything from this experience? Rather than view this as an end to something…why not look at it as a beginning?

As a new blogger here I am a virgin in the ways of the blog. But I am becoming an expert on human nature and how to negotiate dating in the prime of my life.

I start my dialog from….what else?? a Starbucks patio sipping an iced vanilla latte and nibbling on zucchini nut bread. Though my desire is to share this moment with a companion, I am actually quite okay with the solitude. It occurs to me that I probably need to embrace this time alone after my encounter with the “wish-he-were-my-ex-already”. I believe I will refer to him as my “NEX” (nearly-ex) from here on out.

I guess it would be presumptuous of me to think I know what others in my situation need to hear..or read..or experience. I have learned that all I have is my experience, strength and hope to share. I pray that in doing so that at least one person may stumble on my words and be excited, comforted, or learn from what they find here.

With the recent events in Minneapolis yesterday. I don’t feel comfortable discussing divorce issues when there is such pain, and sorrow in the lives of the family’s who have suffered such a nightmare. Divorce is something we bring upon ourselves, this event hit the innocent.

  This tragedy is something you only see in the movies and not in real life.  I would like to reflect on the events  of yesterday and send my condolences to the victims and their family’s. 

God may be invisble, but He’s in touch. You may not be able to see Him, but He is in control . And that includes what you just lost. That includes what you’ve just gained. That includes, all of life–past, present, future.

 –Charles Swindoll

Britney Spears and Federline divorce MAY BE final, but that does not keep them out of the news. The lovely divorced couple WHO  decided to share custody of their two children MAKE make ME want to throw-up!

Their whole marriage was ridiculous from the start… He is your typical money grubber, and she is the insecure star who thinks she needs a man to make her whole.

She had to realize all he was interested IN WAS HER BANK ACCOUNT, and a way for him to make it in La, La Land.

I hope she straightens her life out for her kid’s sake. I really don’t need to see her razor-burn hooch any time soon.

Britney may have jeopardized her custody agreement with Federline. Recently the pop star took her children to the Zoo in

Rapper Eminen’s ex-wife, is suing him for a million dollars. The estranged couples, nuptials only lasted three months according to, Digital Spy. This is the couples second time around with each other; looks like it’s going to be another nasty divorce.  

What makes a couple dive into a marriage head first especially when it did not work-out the first time? If I knew the answer to that question, I would be in the millions myself.

 When there is money involved in a marriage a prenuptial agreement is not an option it’s a necessity. 

I wish that weren’t the case, but this is the real world, and there are people out there that make money their life’s pursuit.  

I’m always open to finding that special rich someone! Does that make me a money grubber, sure it does. But, I’ve been on the other end of the receiving line, and money sure looks a lot sweeter.

A four story home was destroyed in

Those life insurance policies meant to go to your spouse while married need to be changed now.

A recent U. S. Supreme Court ruling (Egelhoff v. Egelhoff) makes this a potential cause for concern.

This could also raise concerns that your children may be left out of policies if your ex-spouse was not removed from the original insurance or pension plan.

If the unfortunate happens, and you are killed in a motor vehicle accident your children will not be the beneficiaries.

 Word of Caution

Change your insurance plans, and your pensions, IRA’s, any Money Market, Bonds  ASAP. Do this to ensure your children are protected, do it at once!

 REMOVE YOUR EX SPOUSE, AND SEPARATED SPOUSE ASAP! 

 DON’T LET YOUR CHILDREN BE LEFT IN THE COLD. MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE ALL YOUR CHILDREN AND CHILDREN FROM PRECIOUS MARRIAGES!

I genuinely believe just maybe divorced parents can get along with each other. But, again I am naive , and made a fool of myself . My ex never can see anything past his own nose.

I tried to openly discuss some issues with him regarding our youngest son yesterday evening, and again he has made me feel that everything is always my fault. He has a way of making me feel as if something is wrong with me.

 I was almost convinced he was truly trying to be a good parent. He must be afraid that people may discover what a self-centered person he really is.

Why do I let him get to me?  He expressed how sorry he was  for hurting me, and my family, and then he turned around, and told my mother that his son has only two parents, and she should mind her own business. I’m the only one who can speak to my mother that way. How dare him !

My supportive parents have given up their golden years for our children, and that’s the thanks they get;  he should of just spit in my mother’s face.

I only hope someday he will come to realize the kind of man he truly is.
What a fool I’ve been trying to be a good Christian, and forgive him for all the pain he has caused my sons and me..

If there were a test you had to take before you were permitted to have children, I’m sure he would have failed!

Lindsay Lohan did it again with a DUI, and cocaine possession. She was arrested in Santa Monica after a night of partying with some friends.Lindsay, why on earth didn’t you get a personal driver. Lord knows you can afford one. But, can Lohan afford to spend months behind bars. Addiction tends to runs in the family. Lindsay’s father Micheal Lohan spent two years in prison for driving intoxicated.In an exclusive interview with E, Micheal Lohan said , “When we were a close family , did you see any of this, it was not until our family was torn apart.”

Lohan blames his messy divorce, and custody battle on Lindsays addiction. I strongly disagree with this completely. If that were the case every divorced young adult would be spending their nights stoned and incapacitated.

That does not give our youth any credit. The problems is that these young adults are over privilege, and too rich for their own good. They can’t handle the tremendous pressure, and money at such a young age.

To blame the break-up of their family on Lohan’s addictions is a cop-out. These young adults who have so much at their fingertips need to eventually take responsibility and wise up.