Coming Up For Air
Though missing from action in the literary sense, I have had more action than I really want lately. The last couple of weeks have been spent cleaning up the wreckage of our past, cleaning organizing, working toward the sale of the house. Our divorce was legally final on October 30 and I for one, breathed a sigh of relief. I have done my grieving over the last year and a half of separation. I have my daughter back and we are building a life together. My oldest had shared an apartment with me and has moved out this weekend to live with her “intended”. Tomorrow the teen moves into her own space in the apartment. We spent lots of time at the house getting rid of and letting go of. It was tough on both of us. Being around “sperm donor” (a term to match her anger) was difficult for both of us. Maybe it was the finality of the divorce, maybe we just became tired of the verbal tennis match, but the “ex” and I managed to work together for an entire day having a garage sale.
This is what I learned recently through all this…I still love him but HATE his behavior. There IS a difference. I know that his outward behavior is a manifestation of the pain he feels and I am sorry for him. It may be necessary for a man to create an alternate reality to cushion the pain of loss. Whatever it is, I know the truth and don’t have to catch the curve balls he keeps throwing at me. I am happy to be free….I hope he finds the freedom to live life again. He is no longer my project. Whew!
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