Divorced Life

My experiences have shown me that sometimes even the best of us need vices to get over the humps and hurdles life throws at us. After my initial separation from my ex-husband I was of course shocked but moreso there lingered a tiny feeling of hope that the situation was temporary and all would settle down and be worked out. In retrospect I wonder why I even considered this. Then after mulling over the thought for a bit I realized the answer is simple. It was for the children. That may seem cliche or blaise but it’s true. When kids are involved it’s not so easy to walk away, despite what the issues are.

I was mistaken, of course. The marriage was over and there was no going back just moving forward. How did I cope with the intense pain and stinging betrayal and viperous exchanges between he and I? Well, for one, I went back to writing. I got all my thoughts down on paper and computer. I stored them in files, notebooks and loose sheets of paper. I wrote paragraph upon paragraph in blogs and spent hours chatting about it with anonymous people online, whom were trying to recover from their own blows life had pummelled them with.

Still, that was not enough. In the moments when I wasn’t writing or couldn’t write, I felt like an empty cup whose contents had be drank and all that remained were moist remnants of what was there before.

The days passed as most other did for me and I felt myself slipping into someone I didn’t recognize at all. Looking in the mirror each day at my unkempt being wondering if this was the real me all along and I was just “playing” sane before. This went on for a bit until I took to the computer and created an alter ego. One that could express the darker aspects and thoughts of my personality and allow the other me to make it each day.

Sometimes vices can consume a individual and take over their entire life in unhealthy ways but in moderation and with realistic expectations it may also be a great outlet to flush out the burdensome garbage that builds up within all of us. In my experiences it kept me sane and in these past couple of years I take that any way I can get it.